The comments on my blog from yesterday's post indicated that you are never too old to get butterflies. Now, even if one of these comments came from Kelly who is most certainly very much younger than me, I'm still not excited about that. You would think I would be, but I'm not. You see, that means that my lack-of-butterflies is NOT due to my maturity and a growth in wisdom, but instead due to THE CRAPPY BOYS IN ST. LOUIS!!!!!
I moved here over two and a half years ago, and I have not once met a boy that I was interested in, except on the internet, and of course, that was pretty lacking. While I've been looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Pretty Cool or Mr. Lots of Fun, I've only found Mr. Guess He'll Do For Now, Mr. Better Than Nothing, and Mr. Fun But I Think He's Gay. Which sucks, and I've given up on that, and so I'm lonely because I'm seeing Mr. Doesn't Exist, but I have my eye on Mr. Imaginary. I went to New Orleans two summers ago, and met a cute guy (actually met two cute guys, one who was very into me, but very young) and I went to a convention for work and met Mr. Perfect Man of My Dreams, but he lives in California. So I can meet men, but there is NOTHING in St. Louis. What is up with that?
This evening I went to Target to stock up for Halloween. I don't think I'll get many trick-or-treaters but one year I opened the door having forgotten it was Halloween, only to have to run around the house to try and find some candy. That's not going to happen again. I bought a bag of Starbust and a bag of Butterfingers because even if there aren't that many kids you still need a variety, right? You can't just offer one kind. You have to buy one fruit candy and one chocolate candy... right?
And take it from me, the Technical Advisor, DO NOT BUY ANY CANDY CORN OTHER THAN BRACH'S! It's not like it's expensive or something. Today I got a candy-gram thing that was a United Way fundraiser. They did not buy the Brach's and it was gross. Now candy has to be pretty bad for me to not eat it at all. I am not putting that crap in my mouth. What is it, like, an extra quarter? Spring for it! Trust me, an old candy corn aficionado, Brach's is the only way to go.
2 comments:
I can't begin to tell you the number of Mr. Fun But I Think He's Gay that I have met over the years. *sigh* Someday, I'll have to tell you the story of the guy that I had a HUGE AND I MEAN REALLY HUGE crush on and spent a whole summer pining after until he introduced me to...his boyfriend! Actually come to think of it, I could probably tell a few stories like that.
I never had much luck with guys. Therefore I am awful about giving advice. Which I'm sure you know yourself from when I was living there and trying to give advice.
Now on the candy subject: Can you tell me what is the deal with sour candy? Call me old fashioned but I think candy should be sweet. Sure I'll go for the slightly tangy Starburst or SweeTart once in a while. But so sour that you have to spit it out and brush your teeth immediately? Well, I just don't get it.
Don't feel bad. I married Mr. Fun But I Think He's Gay. Yep. And we stayed married for several years. Now I think of him more as Mr. Wonder If He Ever Figured It Out or Mr. Guy I'm Really Glad I Divorced. If the guys in St. Louis suck, you could move. The question then becomes: Where do the guys NOT suck? Butterflies shouldn't really be that common, or else they wouldn't be special and exciting. Forget that teenager crap, that's just wildly out of control hormones. I think you're probably right where you should be-waiting for someone truly special. I know it kind of sucks, but once you do find him, you'll never look back and think of these as wasted years, I promise.
Candy Corn: I'm against it. It tastes like sweetened, hardened crisco to me. But I would have to say that Brach's also makes the best caramel cubes-again don't be buying crappy imitations! Chocolate: Definitely for it. Sour: for those of us who don't care much for sweet, sour is muy bueno!
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