Thursday, August 18, 2005

Two Conversations

Two conversations I had on Monday, while dealing with my car:

Scene: int. auto parts store. A fantastically gorgeous, if a little fluffy, young woman walks into the store carrying a car battery.

Auto Parts Store Man: Wow. That was fast!
FGYW: I know. I'm good!
APSM: Well, somebody's good.
FGYW: No, it was me. I have the dirty hands to prove it.
APSM: We have a bathroom in the back if you'd like to wash them.
FGYW: That's ok. I think I've rubbed most of it off on my jeans.

APSM obviously doesn't get it. I wasn't complaining.

Scene 2: ext. apartment complex parking lot. FGYW is working on her car, the hood open. Very fluffy short old man walks by with short and fluffy dog.

FSOM: Are you having troubles?
FGYW: (Hoping he'll go away) I'm sorry?
FSOM: (coming closer) Are you having car problems?
FGYW: No, just cleaning off some corrosion from the battery.
FSOM: (Not understanding the words coming out of what is obviously a female) What?
FGYW: (Speaking slowly and loudly) I Put A New Battery In My Car And I'm Cleaning The Corrosion Off Of The Battery Terminals.
FSOM: Oh. Yeah. That happens from time to time.
FGYW: (Internal dialogue) No kidding.
FGYW: (Nodding) Well, I'm just rinsing off the last of the baking soda. Almost done. Thanks! (Said as if to say "Goodbye now, you may leave.")
FSOM: You know what else you can use to do that? Coca-cola. You can use Coca-cola to clean off that stuff. Works great.
FGYW: Oh really? That's very interesting. I don't have any Coca-cola. (Pause) Ok, well, thanks!
FSOM: What you should do, is, go down to a... a gas station or someplace, and get some...some grease, and you can put that on there, and that'll keep that from happening again.
(FGYW quietly points to a jar of Vaseline on the railing ledge next to her car.)
FSOM: Oh, yeah, you can use that too.
FGYW: I know. (Pause.) Thanks!

At this point the FSOM finally left me alone. As much as I love working on my car, I really hate having to waste my time justifying what I'm doing. I wish I had a garage so I could work in peace. Maybe I should get a fake mustache. Then they'd leave me alone.


Anonymous said...

Oh my, too funny! I guess they just can't imagine a woman knowing anything about cars. I cede to my husband for all that. I am so not into dirty hands. You rock!

Holly said...

I gotta say, any girl that can knit fabulous sweaters and work on her own car has to be some sort of superior life form. Right? :-) Good job, you!

erica said...

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Toni said...

My hero-ine! You've given me confidence to change out my battery which the oil guys said should be changed (of course, that was a year ago and there's been no probs).

Dixie said...

You've made two very clueless men scratch their heads for the rest of the day. BRAVO!

Rebecca said...

To be fair, old men tend to do that to guys too. They just love to give random advice. But I always love how auto parts guys think there is no way you can possibly know what you are doing because you're a GIRL. Even something stupid like looking up a part number in a book. ("Yes, I know I need oil filter # ABC-123, it was in that book over there.")

Kathy said...

I know exactly how you feel! Last fall I had three flat tires in a span of five days (the tire gods hated me, I guess). Each time I was pulled over, changing the tire, several men pulled over and gaped at me. It's 2005. I really don't know what's so amazing about a woman changing her own tire.